Please sir, may I have some more?

To: Hank P.

CC: US Congress

BCC: US Taxpayers

Subject: Financial Crisis


Dear Hank,

My balance sheet is starting to look like an investment bank as my debt to equity ratio dives into negative territory, because the market value of my assets is neither higher than the historical cost nor the leverage used to purchase them.  I have invested heavily in human capital through education generating some additional long-term liabilities with no recognizable intangible asset as these costs are expensed as incurred.  However, I am sure you understand that my current dilemma is mostly due to the under-exuberance in the current market and not a fundamental change in the intrinsic value of my personal enterprise.

I know it seems my main street issues are miniscule compared to those you are dealing with on Wall Street, but really they are the same issues with scale being the main difference.  I will not get rewarded or even have a safety net for the poor decision making I have exhibited leading to my negative cash flow, and I will learn to make better decisions next time.  Regardless of scale, this is the lesson of the free market.

Finally it was interesting to see how your financial emergency turned into an oinking good time on capital hill as they padded an extra 15% onto your already generous figure to raise the votes needed for passage.  I guess these are just some ‘brokerage fees’ needed to get the deal done.  I am sure my grandchildren will look back on this event fondly when they are still trying to make the interest payments on an increasing Federal debt load and still have enough money for the freeloader programs.

Thanks for your consideration,

Personally upside down taxpayer that’s not getting bailed out